God is still providing

Although I have disappeared from the blog for way too long (been a rough time) I have been trying to discern if I should continue blogging and if so is there a particular subject matter to concentrate on. I do not have an answer to either. 

Lately I have had the feeling to continue blogging and to share parts of my life with you. I do not feel this should be a blog entirely about my day to day events. I feel it will be a mixture of things I read or watch and also about some of the struggles and victories living with depression.

I feel God is reminding me He will heal me yet in His own perfect timing. And I need to find a way of living life in the meantime. I need to do more than I have been. I have been resting, aka sleeping away free days too much. I want to say there is a whole world out there waiting for me to discover. Perhaps I need to be more realistic and say there's a whole city to discover, although next month will be getting to discover part of down under - big, happy, excited grin on my face.

I love the fact that the past year may have been my greatest challenge yet there have always been moments of relief, light in the darkness, to pull me through. 

And I am so thankful for all of you in my life for supporting me and being a friend. I cannot list you as there would be many names. 

Laughter, apparently, is the best medicine (must admit I do like to laugh, have you noticed?). What makes you laugh out loud?

Birthday blessings



http://flic.kr/p/53ptFo

What a lovely birthday I've just had. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. Birthdays are bitter-sweet for me now. When my parents were alive it was always fun waking up on a birthday. I know part of my thinking is looking back in fondness in a way memory can do! I'm still not used to waking up on my birthday and no one else in the house. I don't like that part! It's one of the times in a year when I really miss the ones no longer living. Yet today was a good day - and I was at work too!

I had a lovely lunch with the team leaders. If you're in Belfast try out Failte near Royal Victoria Hospital. They do a great deal - express lunch and a glass of wine or beer or soft drink for £5.95. I didn't have a choice of meal being a veggie, not that it mattered. They do a lovely vegetable curry. Generous portion sizes too.

Welcome 2012

http://tinyurl.com/76artdo

Over a month has gone since I last wrote here. Oops. I cannot believe how fast time is going. At times I sit and wonder what I have to show for it. Does that really matter in the eternal-sense not having "things" to show for it? The question really is - have I made use of the time? Hmm, I think that needs to be addressed.

I find it strange when I start writing, I have an idea where I want the post to go, then suddenly, like above it's taken a total new, surprising direction. I'll come back to where the last paragraph ended in another post.

I cannot believe how much has happened recently in/for Redeemer Central. It is so amazing. Sunday 8th January 2012 was our first service in our new home. The week before people gave up their time to clean and decorate the building. What a transformation. I love the way the character of the building is still visible and hasn't been hidden. I feel it has only been enhanced. Old meets new comes to mind - Redeemer have put their touch to the building, tastefully.

It feels like we've always been using the building, not our first service - like coming home. There is room for growth - a great visual reminder of why we are here, why any church is here...


I spent a lovely Christmas with Chris, Barbie, Megs, Pam and the family. It was so good to have a week with them instead of the usual 2/3 days quick visit. I'd left it too late to contact people to see if I could come and see them. Out of a potential 6 visits I made 0. I should have got in touch as soon as the flights were booked to see who was around. I had wanted to make use of having a base in Essex to visit people. It was good not to have to run around everywhere, which it probably would have been had everyone got back to me, so it was a blessing as I did need to have a rest after the last few months at work.

I had mixed feelings at New Year. Apart from having a bug and being in bed, looking ahead to next 12 months was difficult at first. It's amazing how Scripture can stand out at the right time. I was listening to UCB on my DAB radio and heard

Anxiety is looking to the future without God

That made me stop and think. I know I cannot have a future with God. So that has helped me to stay calmer and look at the next 12 months in a different light. I feel quite blessed to know of a couple of major changes that will happen this year. I'm not too sure when exactly they'll occur but I'm pretty confident they will happen this year.

Redeemer Central has continued to grow, not just in numbers, spiritually too. We spent a few months at the end of last year going through the Prodigal Son parable using a study guide by Tim Keller. It was great to go through this in our Citygroup knowing the rest of the Citygroups were studying the same. It was such a good time together we are continuing to study over the next few months. I do miss the bible studies I had in Nis, a chance to go deeper with others. I hadn't realised how much I missed them until we started studying together in Citygroup.

Talking of Citygroups...Citygroup South has now multiplied, tonight in fact. I'm so excited I cannot sleep so I thought I'd update the blog. It is amazing how quickly the group has grown. There are 32 people in the South who have shown interest in our midweek group. We are now 2 groups in the South.

Going back to the changes this year ...I think the first change will be my job. The new structures have been issued and my role isn't there. Without going into too much detail as it's a blog in the public domain and also I don't want to be dishonourable - I came to the conclusion that I need to move on in my role due to working relationships. That is such a hard decision. I absolutely love my role - it's all the politics that go with it that is a problem. I'm keeping faith that God knows my heart for my job and will provide a better role. I like the contact with the students.

The restructuring is going to be a difficult time. I keep being reminded to look at what is best for me and not to worry about the Programme, it's hard after all the work I've put into it. Things are working so much better now, procedures are in place, documents are to hand. Part of me feels all of the work I've done is for nothing - as in the amount of work the Team Leaders have to do they won't have time to maintain what I've put in place. Why put me in this role only to be taken out of it 2 years later?

I have to remember I cannot see the bigger picture. I need to have faith that the people in charge of the restructuring also have a bigger picture and this will work well in it.

I need to keep track on my thoughts about my job. It's so hard to let it go. I don't mean I'm not caring about it now, far from it. It's hard not knowing when I'll be moving on, where I'll be moving on to and if there's time in between roles. But isn't that where faith comes in? Believing the unseeable?

The other major change is Chris, Barbie, Megs and Pam will be emigrating to Australia sometime from July onwards. I am so happy for them, it's something they've been working towards since 2005 and it's finally got the go ahead. On the other hand, being totally selfish - it's making me so sad. I love them to bits. It will break my heart to see them go. I cannot think of that at the moment, it's too painful. Nope - cannot write the rest at the mo...
 
Anyway...desperately trying to think of something else to write. I cannot, so I think I'll leave this post for now.
 
Praise

• Redeemer Central's city-centre building
• Citygroup:South multiplication
• Continued emotional healing throughout last year
• Able to have a summer holiday

Prayer

• I have courage to continue with emotional healing
• Issues still need to deal with are identified
• Peace re job situation
• Improved general health (no more colds!)

Flying Out The House

http://flic.kr/p/9UGEic

Thursday 18th June 2009
What a lot of bargains on ebay lately. I've put quite a few larger items of furniture on ebay for bargain prices. Some items went at the ridiculously low prices I entered them on while others were having a battle with a few other members. I got more than I thought for them. The items are slowly being collected. My biggest worry about the prices being so low was that a shop would buy them and sell on and make lots of money, which of course they're quite entitled to do. But thankfully, I think the purchasers have been blessed.
It's feeling as if I've gone full circle – I had a few months when I moved in here without a cooker and now the cookers gone. A couple of weeks of limited eating ahead. It's strange, I'm really wanting to cook lots but know I cannot. I'll have to sort out my kitchen cupboards as I have lots of pulses which I won't be able to microwave! I should have planned ahead and made lots of soup and put in the freezer – never mind, hindsights great.

Hotline To Heaven

http://flic.kr/p/auhHX8

Sunday 7th June 2009
Lesley at church asked where I was over Easter. I said at Love Belfast. She asked if I was alright there as she had a desperate need to pray for protection over me. Wow, God's amazing. As I wrote in my entry about Love Belfast it was a great time and lots of revelation but at the same time it was a very challenging time.